Naked rant- R rated

I’ve completely had it with how most humans are about nudity. Why the hell do so many people freak out over how we do or don’t cover up our bodies? It’s mainly women that get the brunt of it, and I realized why yesterday: Women are often considered property- of a father, a husband, or certain predatory men who don’t respect boundaries.
I’m no one’s property, and I want the freedom that men have, that they use violence to take from us. Sexual assault, rape, harassment, torture, death; these are all things I’ve been threatened with by men because I wouldn’t consent to doing what they wanted. It’s disgusting, and it’s even worse that they blame it on us. If you can’t control yourself, that’s your problem; don’t make it mine.

Bodies are just bodies, and everyone is beautiful with their own spark of the divine in them. Get the hell over your uptight brainwashed issues with nudity. Our physical forms are amazing, just be grateful that you have one, don’t demand mine, don’t expect that you have any rights whatsoever over my body, and we’ll be fine. I love my physical form, and I’m not accepting the slut shaming EVER AGAIN. I am a whole human with biological needs, just like every other normal human on the planet. If you can’t deal with that, seek professional therapy.


Songs of the day:
Hard Out Here- Lily Allen
Lady Gaga- Born This Way

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Hot chocolate in the rain

A strong support system makes all the difference when battling the wolves. I am so grateful for the friends I have around me. I would feel better with some more time on the dance floor, but I’ll just put the song of the day on repeat…

Love to all

Everyone’s A Winner- Hot Chocolate

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Get back on the couch

I’m irritable these days, and stupid people are really getting on my nerves. I finally figured out an idiot-repellant phrase for them: “Stay there on the couch, at least it keeps you out of the way”. Call me bitchy, but I don’t have time for inane, time wasting conversation or activities. Life is short, get to the fucking point! And it’s better to at least try to be awesome, not lame!!! Which would you rather excel at?

Out Of Control- She Wants Revenge
1963- New Order

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I finally found a good female psychiatrist when I hit 34. I’d seen many shrinks, along with a lot of psychologists, counselors, and therapists by that time, but they were mostly men, and of course that never worked as well as talking to a woman. It was hard to find her- she was very good, albeit overeducated in Western medicine- and she told me that years of sexual abuse and PTSD will likely manifest in mental illness, and if it was severe, symptoms can exactly mimic bipolar disorder and cause personality disorders of all sorts (she didn’t think I had one, TG). She also thought that my primary diagnosis should be adult survivor, then PTSD, then all the depression and other shit. It was a life changing moment. Almost as good as finally getting tested and diagnosed with ADD/ADHD even though I hate that label.
Of course, she also thought that PTSD was incurable and there’s only mitigation of symptoms. That was hard to hear. It makes me extra sad for combat vets. Hell, it sucks for anyone with a mental illness of any kind. So, that’s pretty much everyone.

Crazy- Patsy Cline

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Men get abused too

I see a lot of couples that are getting married (I don’t make wedding cakes anymore, with rare, expensive exception). It’s awful to see how abusive some people are to each other. That’s your chosen life partner, and that’s how you talk to/at them? Men seem to be more frequently emotionally abused, rather than physically. And they are much less likely to seek help, or even admit to the problem. It will be cloaked in ambiguous terms, followed by escapism behavior.
It’s super sad to see how unhealthy relationships can be. Be nice to people, it will help a lot. And be extra nice to the people closest to you. They may not leave because they’re family, but that’s not a license to be awful. Just because they married you, doesn’t mean you can unleash your shadow side on them. Geez, I think it’s ridiculous that everyone doesn’t have a shrink. Abuse is such a pervasive mental illness, but it can get better if it’s addressed. Anything can.

Giggling heals wounds too, and I read it really young: Laughter is the best medicine. Instead of abusing your mate, why not try to giggle a little more with them? Geez, my two friends have been married forever, and they do it all the time. That’s how my friendships are: we help each other out when needed, we support each other, we don’t call each other names or do mean things, and most of all, we have fun.
Not to sound all hippie woowoo, but damn, be sweet to people! Everyone needs it.
Love to all

Out On The Streets- Spanish Gold
Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
Spitting Games- Snow Patrol

…I get a wicked laugh out of putting the tags “abuse” and “cake” on one post. And I should never have thrown away my “Rape Cake; for survivors of sexual abuse” painting, even if it was hard to look at. You have to confront your shadow side and heal it, or it comes out in unhealthy ways…

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I came across this parked on the street when I was biking one night. No idea what it is, but I’d guess art car/Burning Man vehicle. I live in a very funny town. I love being surrounded by “freaks” doing creative things.

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Chemical combinations

I missed deadline today, but my editor was very cool about it. I’m so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open. I took the best nap ever, and then dragged my sleepy ass out of bed. Days of panic attacks, and working new job #3, plus stupidly smoking again- I don’t feel so fabulous.

I think living out in all the green space will be wonderful. Inconvenient, but wonderful. I’m looking forward to house projects, lots of gardening space, and chill housemates who are more into tea than alcohol. It will be good to live with other creative types who understand the 3am muse calling. I’ve lived with all different types of people, and being surrounded by artists and/or scientists is my absolute favorite. I miss living with my sister- she worked for NASA and still understands the value of art. She encouraged her physics class to decorate their rockets however they wanted, including pink sparkly. Lol, that’s exactly it. I will be living with musicians and a sculptor- how cool is that? I want to do big metal sculptures, so that’s like a sign from the gods.

Omg, I just figured out how to do my cobb cake sculpture- three stacked tiers, with sculptured metal railings that also look like decorations on the cake, with planter boxes full of draping, fuzzy white and green herbs. Perfect!

Someday I will get a full night’s sleep again, and it will be glorious beyond words. After long enough of sustained panic attacks, physiological deterioration kicks in, and then depression gets worse. Must. stay. calm!!!! The weather sucks and I’ve been too tired to get exercise, so I have to eat really healthy or the crash will be awful. It’s like flying sometimes, engines stalling and dropping out of the sky like a brick, hoping I can get things fired up in time to do a last minute swoop away from the messy crash. Fingers crossed.

Getting Away With It- Electronic
Ramiro’s Theme- Buscemi
Bollywood Swing King- Buscemi
It’s A Heartache- Bonnie Tyler
Rev It Up- Jerry Harrison
Jane’s Getting Serious- Jon Astley
Only When I Lose Myself (Gus Gus Remix)- DM

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Just a dream

It’s wild that my little brother is all grown up with a child of his own now. I still feel over protective, but he’s grown into a strong, healthy adult. I know he has massive struggles too though. The whole Robin Williams thing hit him pretty hard too.

It’s been many moons, but I will never forget my parents leaving for the hospital with my sister in an ambulance. The thick swirls of pre-dawn fog outside coming off the lake, the torn open plastic bag on the living room floor, and my ten year old brother waking up, wondering where everyone was. Bless his heart, he slept through it all. I didn’t want to be the one to explain it to him, I wanted so much for him to get to keep his innocence as long as possible.

I wonder if everyone has a point where illusion and innocence are stripped away. I feel so old, I don’t think I was ever innocent. I was born, I aged a few centuries very quickly, then a hundred more, and now I’m slowly getting my youth back. A little late perhaps, but like many things; it was worth waiting for.

Don’t Dream It’s Over- Crowded House
Istanbul (Not Constantinople)- They Might Be Giants
Crazy In The Night- Kim Carnes

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Russian cake

Some edgy young Russian guys told me that I needed to try Russian cake, and how it was so much different. They were right. The cake I tried was life-changingly delicious. I love our cakes, but they are definitely American style. International recipes are wildly inspiring, and I want to see cakes from all over the world- those delectable creations that every society uses to celebrate. Whether they are out of African yams or Mexican Tres Leches. Even if they were made from Thai cricket powder- count me in.

I took the Russian Honey Cake to my friend’s house. It was very popular. The only thing better than cake, is being able to share it with others. And it was eight layers of love that had to be shared. Yup, I need to make one.
The following looks similar to what I tasted, except for the frosting.
Thanks to Natasha’s for the recipe. Shared cooking can heal a lot of wounds, and prevent many more.

8-Layer Honey Cake Recipe (Medovik)

Prep time
2 hours
Cook time
25 mins
Total time
2 hours 25 mins

The honey in the cake layers pairs perfectly with the simple sour cream frosting. It stays amazing in the fridge for a few days (the longest we’ve tested was 4 days), so this is also a great make-ahead cake. It’s definitely a special occasion cake and will WOW your crowd, but it’s easier to make than typical Russian honey cakes that require a double boiler. This one’s not that sensitive, making it more attainable for everyone.
Author: Natasha of
Skill Level: Medium
Cost To Make: $8-$10
Serving: 10-12
Cake Layers Ingredients:
4 Tbsp (1/4 cup) honey
¾ cup granulated sugar
2 Tbsp unsalted butter
3 large eggs, beaten with a fork
1 tsp baking soda
3 cups all-purpose flour (I used unbleached, organic)
Sour Cream Frosting Ingredients:
32 oz sour cream
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup heavy whipping cream
For the topping:
½ lb Fresh Berries, optional
How to Make The Cake Layers:
Add ¾ cup sugar, ¼ cup honey and 2 Tbsp unsalted butter to a medium sauce pan and melt them together over medium/low heat, whisking occasionally until sugar is melted (5-7 mins). Don’t put them over high heat or they may scorch to the bottom.
As soon as the sugar is dissolved, remove from heat and while it’s still hot, add in your beaten eggs in a slow steady stream while whisking vigorously until all of your eggs are incorporated (whisk constantly so you don’t end up with scrambled eggs).
Whisk in the baking soda until no lumps remain, then fold in your 3 cups flour ½ cup at a time with a spatula until the dough reaches a clay consistency and doesn’t stick to your hands. Mine took exactly 3 cups flour (measured precisely, scraping off the top of the cup).
Cut the dough into 8 equal pieces and move on to the next step right away (these roll out best when the dough is still warm)
On a well-floured surface, roll each piece out into a thin 9″ circle (about ⅛” thick). You can sprinkle the top with a little flour too to keep dough from sticking to your rolling pin. Place a 9″ plate or base from a springform mold over your rolled dough and trace around it with a pizza cutter to get a perfect circle. Keep the scraps for later. Transfer the dough to a large sheet of parchment paper and bake 2 at a time at 350˚F for 4-5 minutes or until golden. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely before stacking. Repeat with remaining layers.
Finally bake the scraps separated evenly on a re-used sheet of parchment. Once the scraps are baked, cooled and firm, you can crush them with a rolling pin or pulse them in a food processor until you have fine crumbs.
How to make the frosting:
Beat 1 cup heavy cream until fluffy and stiff peaks form (1-2 min on high speed).
In a separate bowl, whisk together 32 oz sour cream with 2 cups powdered sugar. Fold the whipped cream into the sour cream and you have your frosting. Refrigerate until ready to use.
Assembling your Cake:
Spread about ⅓ cup frosting on each cake layer (don’t skimp on it since the cake needs to absorb some of the cream to become ultra soft. Press the cake layers down gently as you go to keep the layers from having air gaps. Frost the top and sides with the remaining frosting.
Dust the top and sides with your breadcrumbs, then cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. This cake needs time to absorb some of the cream and soften, so be patient. It’s worth the wait!
Tips for Success: Roll out the next layers while the first ones are in the oven and total combined baking time shouldn’t take more than 25-ish minutes. Some of mine bubbled up a little on top which is fine since after it’s frosted, it won’t make a difference. I deflated any real whopping bubbles after they came out of the oven.
If you don’t have a baking sheet large enough to place the parchment paper on, just bake directly on the rack.

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Sparkle party

I got a little time on the dance floor- it was heavenly. I’m not usually a party person, unless it’s an art party or a dinner party. The notable exceptions have been: The “Pray For Rain” party that my kayaking friends used to have every year, and now it’s the “German Sparkle Party.” Seriously hilarious, and worth getting over my social anxiety and exhaustion to attend every year.

The funny thing about the German Sparkle Party, is that it was inspired by a very weird, super awkward video. It became the central theme of the party: celebrate the awkward, and make everything sparkly. Damn, my friends throw a great party. I needed a hardwood floor, tons of sequins and glitter everywhere, a bunch of freaks, and a live band mixing some smoking hot German-style electronic dance music.

Love to all

Upside Of Lonely- Tom Hambridge
German Sparkle Party- The Something Experience (apologies for any trauma caused by watching this video, lol)

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Art is everywhere

I just went to see an exhibit covering art created by Japanese Americans in American internment camps during World War II. The resilience of the human spirit is a phenomenal thing. Especially given that so many wounds are viciously inflicted by other humans. Thank goodness that art can be created out of any material, by anyone. That’s the beauty of art; and the psychological effects are infinite, immeasurable, and wonderful. It was pretty mind blowing to see this exhibit, and it made me feel better in a zillion ways. Art is therapeutic, even when I’m not directly creating it.
Still having horrible panic attack, but at least I have a huge dose of inspiration again. Yay.

Love to all

Titanium- Madilyn Bailey
Healing Hands- Elton John
Man Of Colours- Icehouse

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