Pumpkin butter

A recipe called for pumpkin butter, and Google showed me how to make it; it makes your house smell amazeballs, and let’s just say yummmmm – it has so many uses too! I have mad scientist plans to create a holiday parfait type dessert with it. Gourds and squash and damn I love autumn cooking. Add it to sweater tights, cocktails, baking,  soup weather, and NaNoWriMo, and I am so happy, and beyond grateful to feel that way, no matter how long it lasts.

Now 16000 words into my novel and I have to get up periodically and do a chore or something, it helps the process. I had no plot planned out, no characters in mind, and I’ve been winging it the whole way, it’s keeping me entertained but challenged, like hanging right on the edge between arousal and orgasm.

How cool to create something exciting and adventurous that has never existed before. It’s a very rough draft, for sure, it’s all about getting the basic bones down, and then we’ll see how it reads. That’s the funny twist to the creative process; you just work through the creation, and hope it comes out awesome and doesn’t suck.

*and seriously, make the pumpkin butter, it’s freakin delicious.

Put A Little Love In Your Heart – Annie Lennox and Al Green

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Seriously, WTF

Why are men so invested in violently repressing women? And what the hell is up with all these people snapping and going on shooting rampages? Can’t we as a society teach healthier, better humans? What about actually addressing mental illness as the critical health epidemic that it is? Seriously, WTF.


Human Touch – Rick Springfield
Hallelujiah – Leonard Cohen

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The first snowfall

The holidays are coming, the winter lights are coming out, and it’s baking season. Come here and let’s have something yummy to drink and  exchange stories about life while the kitchen’s heating up.

There’s nothing like great conversation over slices of gingerbread fresh from the oven, or warm shortbread cookies covered in the tangy sweetness of a lemon glaze and served with black tea or holiday drinks, or a favorite champagne. No matter what food or treats are served, I’m such a huge fan of people from all walks of life sitting down and eating and celebrating together.

Google helped me with a super simple recipe for hazelnut shortbread cookies, and that might be my new favorite, especially since I can just sprinkle them with powdered sugar and be done; then wrapped in beeswax reusable wraps, and given away – a little bit of kitchen magic and prayers sent out into the world.

In The Heat Of The Moment – Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds
Bad Decisions – Two Door Cinema Club
In The Mood – Glenn Miller Orchestra
Boys of Summer – Don Henley
Something About You – Level 42
Baby Come Back – Player

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Out on the range

Cowboys who have good manners and who can dance – they’re absolutely a weakness of mine. One of many weaknesses I might add, but I adore the chivalry and respect, and with a dude who has confident dance space; I lose my $%#@.

Once I flirted with a bouncer at a bar in college (who had an unbelievable body), and he showed up to country music night and literally danced me out on to the floor – he was a rock solid wall of muscle and rhythym. It was spectacularly romantic and panty-droppingly hot. Shame that he turned out to be married. Yuck, but before that it was fun as hell. A rotating group of us would go hit the dance floors all the time -getting great exercise, watching out for each other, and enjoying life.

Last night a few of us work friends went out country dancing, and I got dance floor fever again. I used to dance every weekend, and I advocate for it as a wonderful mental and physical health treatment.  But now I see that it’s hazardous to go out dancing. One more homicidal lone shooter, and another massive, multi-layered tragedy that will reverberate for generations.

Head Like A Hole – Nine Inch Nails
What About Me – Moving Pictures
Enola Gay – OMD

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7000 words

My ex-fiance used to  mock me for claiming to be a writer, but not ever writing. He didn’t understand and I never wanted to explain, even if I’d had the words back then. Even now I struggle, still have those times when I can’t speak or write at all, or only gibberish comes out. It’s really hard to explain, nor am I generally inclined to. I could paint a picture to show what I’m trying to say, but words don’t come out right. But now, all these years later -what a relief and a beautiful purge to just let go and let it all out.

I have a burst of remission with the major depression and panic attacks, wahooooo; that crushing, soul-sucking weight has eased up a lot, and I know it’s because I finally started to write. For whatever reason, the flow is a lot easier and I can actually produce without feeling like I’m digging my insides out with a fork. Already up to 7000 words and I’m having a glorious time.

My protagonist is currently running around Europe with stolen treasure, and I’m running around all lost in my characters and plot and completely uninterested in my regular life. Would that I had the time to write all the time and not have to worry about basic survival.

Stay A Little Longer – Brothers Osborne
Daylight – Disciples
Every Little Thing – Carlene Carter
Down to the Honkytonk – Jake Owen

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Steal this idea

We need a low tech, portable machine that will chew up most types of discarded plastic, heat it, and mold it into giant Lego-type shapes that can be used to build with, even if you can only build tiny houses and little boats to start with. Some smart people need to be working on this and getting ready to do great things with it – think of the potential! Especially if you got even a little artistic with the finished product; what cool things you could build, and all your materials will be free – you might even get paid to haul away some of that plastic.
I imagine tiny house neighborhoods where the homeless have a safe shelter to call their own. Or an artists’ retreat out in the woods, each cabin a swirl of blue and green, and a gazebo of semi clear blocks seeming to float next to the water. All that plastic to work with, it’s like a massive blank canvas and there are so many artists out there who could run with it. Never mind the possible applications for second and third world countries. I’ve seen other ideas explode into manifestation; I can’t manage this one but surely someone out there can make it happen?

A Victory Of Love – Alphaville
A Woman In Love – Barbra Streisand
Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division

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Mental tapeworms

Scandinavian Frizzante and cannabis and NaNoWriMo.  What a relief to get one of the stories out of my head, even if it does feel rather like pulling an inanimate, lengthy tapeworm into the light. My imagination and the characters in my stories make me feel wealthy and happy – then I return to this reality and remember how different it is.

But for this month I can dive headfirst into the steaming coils of creation, forsaking the dirty dishes in the sink and the laundry piling up. Ignoring demands of heart and body, wishing I had more free time to let the art beast out more often. It’s not practical, it cuts into me finding work that pays actual money so I can survive, but I feel like I’m dying if I can’t write or paint or create some way, and this is a great excuse to say WTF, time to cut loose.

Oh NaNoWriMo, how I love you so. One decadent month, which serves the bonus purpose of distracting me from the distress of the oncoming holidays.

Songs from an easy listening radio station from childhood provide today’s writing soundtrack:

Man On Your Mind – Little River Band
Put A Little Love in Your Heart – Eurythmics
Stay The Night – Benjamin Orr
Turn Me Loose – ’38 Special
She’s A Beauty – The Tubes
Keep On Loving You – Reo Speedwagon

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Mangy guardian angel

The veil is supposedly thin at this time of year, and perhaps that’s why my dreams have been so strange and intense lately. Not bad or scary, just active, and emotionally intense. I wake up exhausted but kind of refreshed, like I just sweated through a flare up of some wild full moon fever.

Every year at this time there’s a large dance party, and it’s my favorite way to usher in the change of seasons and deal with my beast of depression. Every year I try to come up with a costume that reflects how I’m feeling, so this year I went as a guardian angel because it seems like we need a lot more of them. Not that I really believe in them, but I love the idea.

Creating costumes is a great excuse to get all artsy craftsy. I made the wings long and floaty and I was in a hurry when I made them, so they ended up looking kind of mangy. They were basically shoulder-to-floor length, vaguely wing shaped pieces of opaque white fabric. I cut out smaller feather-ish shaped pieces, drew a few veins in gray on each one, and hot glued the ends of them to the larger pieces. Then I hot glued white feather boas around the entire border of the wings. They were light but had enough weight to float perfectly while dancing. Then I pulled out my gold sequin wrap dress, and attached the wings to the shoulders. A quick bendy wire halo and done. Great dance costume, and really I just wanted to put that energy out there, as a counterbalance to mass media pushing so much violence and anger.

The DJs were great again this year – it’s like prayer to see so many people get into the same glorious groove. I didn’t drink, just took my vape pen and hydrated and danced with my friends. When all else seems overwhelming, it’s a relief to simply see and feel the energy of humans dancing together. Just looking around and reading the news, I feel like any guardian angels would be shedding feathers in frustration over humans.

Don’t Wait Up – Robert DeLong
Hollow Moon (Bad Wolf) – AWOLNATION
Fallen – Sarah McLaughlin
Mama Told Me Not To Come – Three Dog Night
The Weeping Song – Nick Cave
Everybody Knows – Leonard Cohen
Boys of Summer – Don Henley

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In the glow of the radio

That voice in the dark, husky and low, riding in a Jeep Uber – of all funny things. I was sweaty from a brief stint on the dance floor; it was the first time in a while that I’d steamed up back seat windows in a platonic way. Despite my initial excitement and fabulous vintage dress, I bailed out of dancing early, only wanting the safety of creative space. To get lost in form, color, plot, imagination. But I ended up too tipsy and distracted to create anything and only paced my space lost in thought.

Not sure what it was about that interaction with a random driver, but it was electrifying. The feeling of all your hair standing on end in that moment before lightning strikes nearby. I’d had a shot of tequila and a pint of some fussy IPA, so I wasn’t focusing that well, but I still noticed. No idea what he really looked like, but oh lord I appreciate the new way to connect and have a magical conversation with a random stranger with a sexy voice and interesting questions.  I never take it for granted either – that I made it home safely.

Down to the Honkytonk – Jake Owen
Wanna Be That Song – Brett Eldridge
I Wanna Get Lost With You – Stereophonics

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Go towards the light

Imagine what the world would be like if people worked out their anger and conflicts with dance battles. It could get massive, thousands upon thousands in rhythmic contest. Then all share some dinner and go home safe. Silly me, living in a weird fantasy of “Much more happy shit and way less anger and violence would be better all around .” Hey, while I’m dreaming, can we make life more like a musical? And no more with the violence against women?
With that in mind, I’m struggling to find a good dance party costume for this year. It needs to be something I can move freely in so I can create a little dance floor magic, and gather energy to spread good energy. If bad energy can be contagious, so can good, and good is so much more fun.


Come Dancing – The Kinks
Funky Like A Train – The Equals
No Parking On the Dance Floor – Midnight Star
Last Night A DJ Saved My Life – Indeep
Make Me Lose Control – Eric Carmen
Got To Give It Up – Marvin Gaye
More Than I Can Say – Leo Sayer
It Would Be You – Gary Allan

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