Oh my goodness I do love a great party, it gives me extra hope for humanity. This one had a few hundred happy people, and you know it’s going to be good when you see the whole roast pig. Although honestly, I don’t eat much meat and even though it’s yummy as fuck, I feel karmic pain after eating a formerly living creature, no matter how many thanks I offer. God damn bacon is delicious though. And I could write poetry about good cuts of beef. I think I love food more than Scooby Doo, and I love how it’s the great uniter. No matter how upset people are, delicious food is calming and life affirming for all.
I’m completely grateful that I’m rocking the social anxiety that used to be so crippling. It’s still bad sometimes, but overall I just have a blast meeting people and talking. Sometimes that’s the worst part of having a mental illness: feeling disconnected, ostracized, isolated. It’s a great sign that I’m doing so much better. Baby steps. I made some great connections at the party, and I had lots of… meat. Not much to drink, and I sure felt the manic rush plus the crash the next day, just from small amounts. I know if I have too much alcohol, it makes me manic and ridiculously uninhibited, which is way too dangerous, and I needed to make good business connections, which I did, yay.
Speaking of meat, I so need a different lover. It’s unfortunate that I bond with people I have sex with regularly. I’m aware of it, it’s a relic of old behavior patterns. I’m just happy that I’ve reclaimed my sexuality after all the sexual horrors in my past. But this dude is horrible for me. I wish there was something simple I could do to purge his chemicals from my brain. Letting another person into your body is such a soul-searing thing. He’s ok until he starts talking, and my romantic idealist soul totally can’t handle how mean he is. Why bother when there are battery operated devices that can do a better job, and my illness has always precluded any serious romantic relationships anyway, as I know only really rare people can deal with a mental health challenge as severe as mine has historically been. Which luckily manifests sometimes as excellent bedroom skills :) I did spend a good part of college working on my blowjob skills (which made by bf at the time really really happy, which made me happy).
This spoiled white dude now, he’s totally sheltered and suffering from the selfish-sickness. I could never have taken him to that party, and he’s not a good partner for a zillion reasons. I think that if I could find great sex and great conversation in one devoted dude, I would love forever.
I think tonight is a night of seeing if I can network into someone better. Because I love sex and I love parties, there’s nothing better than a combination of the two, and luckily there is an excellent example of a club for that, less than 100 miles from my house. Game on. Holy shit, they even have great food there – perfect heaven. Happy people, yummy food, and happy endings, yay. Life is so heartbreaking and brutal, I will cheer on all the good energy that I can. Besides, orgasms are great for your brain, and there’s better ways to get your meat than killing and eating it. Stroke it and make it purr.
She Don’t Love You- Eric Paslay
Take My Breath Away – Berlin
Naughty, Naughty – John Parr
The Queen of the Broken Hearts – Loverboy