I passionately hate going to the doctor. Even worse is when I have to see a new doctor and go through my whole history. It’s traumatizing for both of us I think. I’ve worked in health care for years, I know exactly what those facial expressions mean. There are a variety of reactions, but that one of sadness and pity always makes me cry. I try to not even look at their response, because 95% of the time, I can tell what it will be as soon as I meet them. The only good thing about it usually, is how impressed they are- that I’m not institutionalized, medicated to the hilt, lost in the cracks of our society. I am though, even though I’m what they might call “high functioning”.
My life isn’t too crazy these days because the cycles have reduced in intensity. Holy shit though. I’m still reeling. Everything was lost and found, and sent spinning in entirely new directions. I’m not sure what to make of it. I just wish I could let go of the past, forget my baggage, and most of all- I wish I could get over him. It’s only the masochistic perfectly trained victim complex- it will go away eventually.
ohhhhhh, come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind at all if the person who reappears from my past happened to be that neurologist doctor dude. He was naughty in some very fun ways.
Mantra today: Patience is not just a virtue, it’s the virtue. Insert another scream of frustration here. Dammit, I’m going biking for a couple of hours, that should help.
Love to all
Doctor, Doctor- Thompson Twins
Lay Your Hands On Me- Thompson Twins