The color spectrum

Here comes the wave of blue. I can always predict this particular one, but it never makes it any less painful. Yesterday I saw a quote from one of the band members of KISS, talking about his disdain for people with depression, and how he would be the one telling the suicidal guy to “jump!”. So much selfishness, hatred, and anger everywhere, I want to run and hide from humans and their destructiveness.

Depression is a catch-all term that covers an entire spectrum of issues. It’s disheartening to hear the ignorance out there, and the stupid assholes passing judgment. I’m grateful that the recent celebrity suicide will bring attention to the issue.

I keep thinking I’m doing better, and I know I am overall. Then something happens and it sends me into a tailspin, and there go my plans for everything. My boss today would never understand me showing up in tears- because it’s one of those days when I have to function even with the waterfall turned on. This one isn’t even a fun one that I can kayak over. Dammit. The waves are scary and isolating when they get big. I have so much to do, I can’t afford to be crashed out sad.

Crap, I have to go see a damn Western doctor and I just really don’t want to. I have a bad habit of praying for cancer or illness to take me out when I’m depressed, and it would be the height of irony if that actually comes true. Maybe if I pretend nothing’s wrong, it will go away. Denial seems to work for most everyone else.

Blue- LeAnn Rimes
Waterfalls- TLC
Titanium- Madilyn Bailey
Auf Achse- Franz Ferdinand
Terra Titanic- Peter Schilling
Cuts You Up- Peter Murphy

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2 Responses to The color spectrum

  1. Hope says:

    I’m thinking of you and hoping things get easier. I wish there were more I could do.


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