Down in flames

***Trigger warning***

Oh shit, that wave of depression came fast and hard. I woke up at 2am, and predictably crashed for reasons I won’t go into. I’m not sure about this one. I don’t have the time or money to go check myself in somewhere, even if there were appropriate facilities that I could afford. I’m barely hanging on financially with two jobs+ as it is. SHIT.
Not sure what to do, got waves of intense panic and complete and utter despair.
Oh no, how I am supposed to meet the deadline in a couple of hours, or go do an interview this week when I can’t get my chemicals level enough to function??? I hate the snowball effect, almost as much as I hate going to a hospital and saying I don’t feel safe. It’s the most crushing feeling in the world. Then it’s a another battle through a cynical system, on top of shit I can’t handle anyway. Totally not up to any of it. Bracing for impact, this one looks bad. Holy shit, I really wanted to do amazing things and change the world for the better, how the hell did my life end up such scandalous, agonizing wreckage???

Fingers crossed, and totally smoking a damn cigarette in lieu of two weeks in a tropical spa and the miracle that I really need.

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