Going crazy is easy, it’s the coming back part that takes the herculean effort. I made huge strides today: Interviewed and got a new job, and biked to the top of the mountain, despite being hampered by only 4 hours of sleep. I was going to take pictures and write for a while at the top, but I was so tired that I forgot my damn camera and my pen. I did some tarot instead, and watched an adorable couple get married.
It wasn’t until I was coming back down that I had an epiphany or two: First, I should have better brakes or grow bigger balls before I do that rocky, slippery downhill section again. The other is that I will be kind of going back to corporate yucky (never an office, hell no), and I’m heartbroken over leaving the bakery. But it will be a huge relief to get away from my insane and unpredictable boss. I need stability, and eliminating that situation will relieve huge amounts of stress and drama. I will miss the cake though, and how happy it makes people.
Of course, it’s all contingent on me passing a drug test tomorrow morning, lol. I’m sure it will be fine, despite the prodigious amounts of weed I have ingested this summer (Ok, maybe not that much, I just wanted to use that word).
One of the worst tortures of life, is that I have to spend so much time worrying about numbers and paying the bills when I’m an artist to the bone, and I just want to be creating all the time, not working in some soul-killing field. It’s tricky to find work that is healthy, enriching, and pays a decent wage. I’ve worked a lot of different careers, blue collar, white collar, and everything in between. They can be fun, interesting, but they all hurt my soul a little or a lot. I feel like I’m not fulfilling my destiny if I’m not pursuing my artistic goals, even if they aren’t what society says I should be doing. Oh well, I’m an unmarried, childless, sex-positive crazy woman who won’t shut the fuck up, so I’m well outside the boundaries anyway. It’s often an uncomfortable place to be, but I feel really sorry for those who are stuck in their boxes.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow. I see change coming, and I can feel it in the air. It’s scary, but exciting like jumping out of a plane. You just go for it, and hope for the best.
Love to all
Night By Night- Chromeo
Cherry Pop- Alexandra Stan
Hard Out Here- Lily Allen
Man Of Colors- Icehouse
Everybody’s Changing- Keane
All About That Bass- Meghan Trainor
Take Me To Church- Hozier
My Blue Angel- Aaron Tippin
I’m No Stranger To The Rain- Keith Whitley