Pure and innocent

Yeah, here comes the rant: I don’t want to be the bad girl, the dirty girl, or the naughty one. I always wanted to be the sweet girl next door, but that choice was taken away before I was old enough to choose myself. Sexual abuse made me feel cynical, old, and tired from a very young age. I remember reading romance novels when I was nine, and wishing I could be the wide eyed sweet innocent heroine. It’s never been that way, and it’s certainly not coming back now.

That being said; I’m renewing my ancient vow- I’m never getting married. If there’s no brilliant good ones left, then I don’t want any of them, and I refuse to shackle myself to anything less than amazing. I work my ass off to be better, do better, see better every freaking day, and I’m done being taken advantage of, done being shamed or scolded for my choices, just fucking done.  Ewww. Maybe the sweet boy next door won’t ever see me through my baggage, but that doesn’t mean I have to settle for a despicable bad boy. Never!!! Fuck you and your “wealth” and shiny cars- you are a sick fuck- keep away from me!!! I choose health and light and love and helping others do the same, no matter what my odds are or prognosis is.

SOTD
Dirty Woman- Pink Floyd
Blown Away- Carrie Underwood

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5 Responses to Pure and innocent

  1. Tou fucking che Crash! !!
    I’m SOO in your car on that one…
    And FINALLY — an AWESOME sotd.
    On a more human note:
    I’m learning more and more all the time: what an amazing and truly grounded survivor you are…(which I apologize for my delay in recognition of your total awesomeness but you’ve only more recently started coming out of your shell)…
    I wanted to make point to say:
    It’s not often that one reads a piece with such drastically opposite affect of sexual trauma…
    On one hand you say that choices were taken from you too early (((hugs for that sweetie))); and on the other hand, you refuse to settle for less than what you are deserving of.
    Holy introspection Batman!
    Good humans roll like that…xo
    Much much super extra much love to you, Crash 😉

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  2. ❤ you always make me feel more positive, no matter what. x

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