The most amazing thing happened to me tonight. I am usually hyper aware of who’s in my immediate surroundings, but I was caught by surprise when a man and his dog appeared behind me. I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye, and even after all this time and so much work, it threw me right back into that place. I couldn’t breathe , started to hyperventilate and I couldn’t stop it, I just burst into tears. It was so embarrassing. I tried to hide it, and I was standing there hoping it would pass quickly. The man stopped a little further on and then called back asking if I was ok. That surprised the hell out of me, and I tried to reassure him that I was fine, it wasn’t his fault, etc, etc. Then he said (as I’m still crying, tears won’t stop at this point) “Pardon me for asking, but has someone ever snuck up on you? [I nod yes] I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
Then another man comes strolling up, cautiously, carefully, asking if I’m ok. Then he offers to share his joint with me (I don’t usually smoke, but I had work to do so I had one drag that helped quell the panic a little). Then he asked if I wanted a hug, and when I sobbed yes, he wrapped me up and gave me a life-giving, soul-sustaining hug (he was non-threatening and smaller than me, so I felt safe). I thanked him, and he walked away slowly. It took a while to regain my composure, but that gave me some renewed hope for humanity. Thank goodness. I hate depression, and PTSD is an ongoing battle, it sucks, so I try to soak up the happy moments when they happen.
Love to all
Burn It Down – Linkin Park