When I sit down to blog and I can’t think of much else to say, that’s when I think it’s time to move on to other projects. Crashinglessons had a few specific purposes in the beginning, and now it’s more of an online journal. That is to say, not that interesting. In the beginning I was hoping to inform people about the reality of mental health differences, to enlighten, to maybe reduce the stigma is some tiny little way. I also needed to write out some of the trauma that I’d experienced, and re-ground myself in the mentality that I wanted. Despite all the baggage, despite the horrible wreckage of my life, and the massive mistakes I made along the way.
Then, after years of battling through the recovery that no one thought was possible, back into the life I thought I’d completely given up on – here I am. Shit got messy, but all things considered, not as bad as it could have been. It’s funny that I still have that idealistic hope for the best kind of things to happen, because history and life would indicate that it’s not realistic or practical. On the other hand, what you imagine and put your energy into, is way more likely to happen.
So that’s why I started writing a blog; to verbalize my reality and shape it into what I wanted it to be. In the end, I couldn’t make everything I wanted to happen come out right at all. You can never change someone’s mind, and people are really resistant to changing their perceptions of how they think things are. It’s funny really, to battle this debilitating disease for so long, and have others completely deny that it exists (“it’s all in your head!” duh, so what, and cancer is all in your ___!). Or people are completely derogatory and dismissive, like whatever you say or do doesn’t matter at all because you are “crazy.” Whatever. I feel better. The important part of the mission has been successful. Yay!!!
Love to all