I walked out of OMSI and by the time I got to the parking lot I was in a hyperventilating panic attack. It’s so embarrassing – I always bust ass to get out of public view, it’s challenging maintaining your poise when you can’t breathe and you just want to curl up in a ball until it’s over. Like any mental health issue, it’s also interesting how people react. I’ve seen huge improvements over the years, but there’s still a long ways to go.
I wish a lot of things, but mostly I wish I could manage the stress related panic attacks better. I wish I could quit my job where I’m bombarded with massive negative energy. I wish I could go to the NAMI convention in Denver. I wish I wasn’t so emotional. My zen is way the hell out of reach at the moment; I don’t even have time to get acupuncture to take the edge off. And life is way too busy; I only had time to get a new inhaler and asthma and allergy pills – which reminds me. Allergies and breathing issues + panic attacks = not so fun day. Exhausted, but sleep looks impossible. Wracking my brain for ideas of how to change my life more into what works for me. So completely sad and overwhelmed. Dammit.
What I’m grateful for: The flowers are beautiful, it’s spectacularly sunny and gorgeous for a couple of days, I still have a job, my amazing and brilliant friends inspire me, depression and panic attacks haven’t taken me out quite yet, and maybe something wonderful is about to happen.
Quote of the day: “There’s still time for bad judgement.” Ummm, but let’s not…
Time Stand Still – Rush