Autumn colors

I used to lie on the carpet in front of our jukebox listening to this song. I would turn the lights down and the volume up, and wonder what the hell was wrong with me when everything was so right and I continued to feel awful.

There’s nothing like the sound of a record dropping onto a turntable. Watching the needle move into position, and that scratchy and warm sound coming out of the speakers. It got me through a lot of nights when my insomnia was relentless, and I wasn’t sure what to do with my energy.

I loved that jukebox, but I’m sure glad I haven’t been trying to haul it around all these years. I would have lost it in the fire anyway.

Sometimes life seems like an unbearable series of losses with only more to come. I feel broken, and worried that I won’t be able to sleep – so stressed from work, so low on hope. Clearly I need to volunteer more and run as much as I can push myself.

It’s fucking hard to motivate when the sad and anxious levels are up; I did a suspension class anyway and it was sweaty bruuuuuuuutal. Luckily the instructor had a fantastic playlist. Music makes things better, whether it’s via smartphone, or old school turntable.

SOTD – Jukebox version

Baby, I Lied – Deborah Allen


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