The restaurant was nice, but I wanted to tell my date that he would have had a lot more luck cooking me something. I know he likes me a lot, and… I appreciate how fun and active he is. Unlike the last one, this one is super social and inclusive, he’s always doing something like skiing, building something, fixing things, mountain biking, and at least he tries hard.
And the electrician has been blowing up my phone the whole time I’m trying to move on, date healthy nicer men. This is the worst time of year anyway, and I feel like I’m always going to be stuck with these bad habits from my past, like I will never be able to do better than this POS who treated me like a convenience. He sent me a picture of himself last night all dressed up surrounded by other women – a reminder of so many awful things about him. Then he starts in with how he wants to fuck me in the ass – just the romantic loveliness that every woman wants to hear. Especially when I’m bleeding and feeling super depressed and vulnerable. It actually helped me tell him off once again – not that he ever listens to me. Like so many men, it’s all about him and where and when he can stick his dick in something.
I’m so ready for this year to be over. Destructive douchebags seem to be winning, and I feel like I have zero chance, no matter how hard I fought to get here. Oh depression, you hurt me so much. You and PTSD make it the worst threesome I’ve ever had
On a more positive note, I’m going to play on the mountain next weekend, and by god, there will be a newer, better mountain bike in my near future. Everything else I’m taking 15 minutes at a time.
Simple Song – The Shins
Red Earth and Pouring Rain – Bear’s Den