A Fred Astaire movie always makes me feel better, and it was just what I needed tonight. He’s so civilized, so romantic, so unlike reality. I’d love to be sung to, danced with, but even more than that – treated with such chivalry by someone who knows how to dress and act and love so completely. I’m not suited for modern dating, it’s just a wretched experience. I think that in a past life I was a USO bride, meeting some dashing man in uniform one Friday at a dance, marrying in a week, and spending years writing him love letters and praying he comes back safely, followed by a lifetime of devotion. This time around, nothing feels right or easy and I’m pretty reconciled to a hermit-like existence. That’s fine though, better alone than with a terrible match.
I’m so grateful for everything I have, for the blessings and beauty all around me. But holy shit I’m sometimes still so sad, it takes my breath away. I don’t like to talk about it, there’s no one to tell anyway. But on the nights when I’m exhausted after nights of bad sleep and work stress, trying not to worry about a million things – I wonder if it’s too late for any kind of happy ending. Then I remember; very few people have that, it’s just a myth, and the secret is to find happiness in the vast volume of little things that are everywhere. Case in point: Fred Astaire movies, because I love him so much.
Don’t Take The Girl – Tim McGraw
Red Earth and Pouring Rain – Bear’s Den
Summer in Berlin – Alphaville