Foster kids still seem like an impossible dream, but I’ve wanted to have them for years. I know I would be good at it because I love kids, was a nanny and teacher for so long and I care so much – I could even handle teenagers I think. There are always kids in need of a safe space, whether it’s for a few hours or a few years. Everyone needs a home and family. I miss having a close family, and I’ve created a new surrogate one with my wonderful friends…but children and pets really make the difference.
Although really, this lifetime has been so challenging that I feel like none of my dreams are ever going to come true. Truly I must have been awful in a past life. I’ve tried really hard to be good in this one, but that only means something to me – most other people look for specific and significant markers of success, the kind I don’t have. I’ve also needed more help than you’re supposed to, and people look down on that, pass judgement, write you off without even knowing.
I think it’s finally time to give up on that dream, like a few others that haven’t panned out. Even though I’m doing so much better now, I can barely keep my own head above water; no state agency is going to look at my income and tiny apartment and approve it, no matter how maternal I might feel. I did do the potential foster parent orientation, and holy shit some foster parents are evil nightmares. It’s makes me sad that I’ll never have the opportunity to help foster kids when I know I was made for it in a sense. I can handle crisis well and help people through it and heal afterwards, having been there enough myself. Oh well. Such is life. There are a million other ways to help and volunteer time and love, I just need to concentrate on those.
Extraordinary Way – Conjure One