A pathway of letters shooting out into space and finding their way to you

One post in particular that I wrote keeps getting read over and over. It’s not one that I expected, but I like it. I doubt it’s getting read by who it was meant for, but really – what ever works out like we hope? As a writer, it’s pretty glorious to have a wide open forum to talk about anything I can imagine, and I’m delighted and grateful that I have readers at all. There’s not much I can do about who reads it, or when, or how often. Holy crap I am wildly curious though. And oh yes, I do wish. Blame it on the dreamy romantic idealism of a writer.

Yeah, I know reality will constantly give me hard lessons in what is more likely to happen. I got all kinds of stories about that. But it’s the happy ending fun adventure kind of stories that the world needs more of.

Seven Year Ache – Rosanne Cash
Hard Lesson – The Burned
Light You Up – Shawn Mullins
The Way To Your Heart – Soul Sister



Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Steam whistles in the night


My weekend was pretty quiet, so I headed down to the Oregon Rail Heritage Center. I thought a few pictures of cool trains would perk me up. My favorite is the photo of a black and white photo of a train pulled into the railroad station. I’ve had dreams that look exactly like that, it was like seeing a memory.

The smells of the center, the beautiful curves and sleek design of the rail cars made me think of steam engines and that long, haunting steam whistle that pierces the night. Couples parted forever, or the wild elation and bitter sorrows that can be found at any train station in the world.


Fast Movin’ Train – Restless Heart
Du Hast – Rammstein
All Is Forgiven – Siren

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Never over you

I’ve been reading a lot lately, from a constantly changing stack of books from the library, added to my own decent stacks. They give me solace like few other things in this world. Words from brilliant but long-dead authors, illuminating struggles now lost to time. They help bring understanding and a wider view of the strange and alarming current world events.

Currently I’m reading a fascinating biography of the Mitford family. I just finished a wild romp through Caravaggio’s life – now totally obsessed with needing to go see some of his works in person. Instead of watching tv last night, I read about a bunch of more adventurous local hikes, and 100 Photographs That Changed The World. The flip of pages, the hefty weight of pages of wonderful storytelling; I fall in love over and over.

Next up is a re-read of the engineering techniques for building immense sand castles, and a large volume comfortingly titled When All Hell Breaks Loose– because you never know when I might need those skills. Waiting patiently are piles of other books, teasing me with their stores of humor, knowledge, wisdom, and strategies for managing this messy human life.

What Kind of Love – Rodney Crowell
Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Military gray

I fell completely in love with the Spruce Goose – I stood staring up at it thinking how gorgeous it is… and that this is what it looks like when a brilliant and mentally ill human has a huge budget to create with. I walked around it, imagining what it would look like if they’d painted it with clear gloss instead of gray paint. How spectacular to see all that beautiful wood and craft, exposed in detail. It’s magnificent anyway even though that serious military gray covers it all.

That was a fun museum; my favorite new word is “chine” from the Blackbird, biplanes still make me gushy happy, and I redeveloped some intense feelings for the DC-3. Even though I do these things on my own and I don’t have the regular benchmarks of success, I actually feel pretty happy right now. How amazing – I’m so grateful. I try not to dwell on it, but after having battled depression so intensely for so long, I feel the most profound thanks for the blessings I have now. Only physical torture can compare to the mental agony of depression, and what bliss during the times it’s lifted. When I feel baseline, I completely appreciate the wonder of everyday life. Especially if there’s old cars, steam engine trains, or airplanes involved. It’s like going from the gray dim winter into an explosion of spring color.


Parachute – Chris Stapleton
And She Was – Talking Heads


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Evergreen symphony

These days when I get a burning desire to do something, I usually run with it as much as I am able. The symphony called to me last night, and I got a little dressed up and went by myself, it felt decadent and wonderful. There was a lot of white hair in that crowd, in comparison I felt young like spring chicken. The music was lovely;  something about classical music affects the electrical circuits in my brain. Jazz does it too, especially the more chaotic or free form compositions. Music is such heavenly mental health treatment.

Today it’s off to the aviation museum, because I’ve been waiting forever for the opportunity and life is short so today I’m finally going to see one of the coolest aircraft on the planet!!!!!! OMG!!! Yeah, I know I’m a dork, but human flight is super exciting, and it’s the Spruce Goose – why has it taken me so many years to get over to visit such a marvelous creation??? And I’m going to imagine what it would have been like to have hot sex with Howard Hughes in the plane. Yummmm.

Love to all

In A Letter to You – Eddy Raven
Voyeur – Kim Carnes
The Sweet Goodbye – Kelley Hunt

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lost on you

I imagine that he’s figured out by now that I changed my phone number. What a relief – without his constant drama and manipulation, my life has slipped back into a much better mode. I’m a Libra so I extra love having a partner, but not if there’s that shit involved. Modern men, I swear – they’re too often arrogant, lazy, violent, and stupid, but yet completely convinced that women are the lesser sex and men are oh so superior. Why TF should I put up with some primitive tripod who talks down to me and doesn’t treat me like a whole human? Hell to the NO.

Lost On You – LP

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My dream house

If there is such a thing, it would come in a form like this – preferably something with sails and in a little better condition, but I’m not picky.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , ,


All weekend long I fought it, tried to hold it off with a hike up to a waterfall and a drive by the river. After another rough week at work – wondering what I’m doing there and how I got so trapped – I was ready to scream with frustration and exhaustion. By Sunday morning I decided to take a chance.

An oil change, some fervent prayer-type activity (non-denominational), and I had to go. I felt like I would literally die if I didn’t get to the ocean that day, and as I well know, that feeling of desperation can make us all do crazy shit. For once, I decided to run with it. I needed the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves, more than air or pretty much anything else. I felt beaten and battered and so depressed that it was a last ditch effort to boost my spirits before I had to face another week.

Just getting out of town helped a lot. When the road finally curved around and the ocean came into view, I took a deep breath like I haven’t in months. The exhaustion and sadness slipped away for a moment and I felt like I might actually have a chance again. The sunlight broke through as I drove over the Astoria bridge on my way somewhere new to visit a lighthouse – one of my favorite things.

Because I felt so terrible, I stopped first and splurged a little at the Columbia River Maritime Museum. Sometimes I feel a deep affinity with sailors and all things nautical, even though I’ve never been on the open sea. But depression feels like I imagine it would be in a ship out in the ocean in the middle of a storm. Wind whipped, half drowned by endless waves, no stars to light up the blackest of nights.

Then again, the ocean gives me the most amazing comfort and source of strength. I really went there in hopes of seeing the Columbia river bar in a fabulous fury, but all was calm and still in the cool sunshine. Even though I was alone as usual, feeling isolated and bruised by recent battles with the wolves – I returned later that evening feeling much better, faith somewhat restored (and completely amazed that my car got me there and back). Some people go to church, I go outdoors. More specifically, I go to the water.

Tower of Song – Leonard Cohen
Amado Mio – Pink Martini
Lonely Town – Brandon Flowers
You Don’t Know – Berlin

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A force for good

What a mess humans are, and what crazy s$#%. I know we can do so much better, I just don’t understand what’s taking so damn long.

Today, here’s what I want to send out into the universe: Now more than ever, I have faith and hope that you are using your power and intelligence for good. You have it, use it. Be an active force for good.

Love to all

Go – Chemical Brothers

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , ,

Unbearably sexy

The weight difference is substantial; it was like hauling a bunch of bricks up the mountain, but I was still blissed out happy. I finally decided on a new Trek mountain bike that’s actually the right size for me, which changes everything. I stepped up to the awesome new 29″ wheels, the shocks work great, and it’s a blast to ride. My old Rockhopper was so beaten up and wrecked, I’d forgotten what it feels like to ride a smooth rolling piece of machinery. Holy crap, the disc brakes are amazeballs!!! Such luxury it is, no matter how heavy – and it is about 30 pounds, which feels like a ton.

I picked up a set of foot cages too, danced out the door of the bike shop, and headed directly to the mountain. Ahhh, now I can deal with work stress so much better. After my ride, I rolled my new bike right into my living room so I can stare at it in love and trust, because the bonding time is mucho important. Maybe I can finally get my bunny hop up to proficiency now.

Tonight I touched up the paint job to cover all the logos so now it looks super dark and sexy. Yummy. It’s like the best boyfriend ever – strong and silent, and loves to be ridden hard and frequently.  Yeah baby, let’s go get dirty together.

I Fell In Love Again Last Night – Forrester Sisters
Lost On You – LP
Hold My Hand – Hootie and the Blowfish
Wish I Knew You – The Revivalists


Posted in Uncategorized