Tag Archives: bipolar

Trephining

The leaves are turning into the deep jewel tones of autumn and you still aren’t here. Reading my psychology text book reminded me of why that is. According to a clinical diagnosis, I’m bipolar. Like really bipolar. Also according to … Continue reading

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Out of the darkness walk

I signed up for the Out of the Darkness walk this year. When I struggle to get out of bed, when all seems lost, hopeless, agonizingly painful in a completely isolated kind of way and I think I can’t bear … Continue reading

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The Itch

That driving energy in my head that I can’t turn off – it has a lot of potential labels, but I call it The Itch, and it manifests in various ways: the burning compulsion to paint that I had for … Continue reading

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Soul mates

My superpower is the manifestation of instant karma. It rarely fails; I mess up somehow, and the universe ensures that instantly I’m forced to confront and intimately reckon with my mistake. On the unusual occasion that it doesn’t happen like … Continue reading

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Dancing lessons

Of all the friends I’ve lost, I miss my island Zumba friend the most. She stopped talking to me after that last major episode of bipolar wreckage that apparently everyone knew about and mocked. I don’t owe an explanation of … Continue reading

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The searing light of reality

One of the worst things is waking up and the first thing you think is “Holy fuck, what did I do???” Whether it’s opening your eyes to see an ICU sign and equipment everywhere, or the cold light of sobriety … Continue reading

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Evergreen symphony

These days when I get a burning desire to do something, I usually run with it as much as I am able. The symphony called to me last night, and I got a little dressed up and went by myself, … Continue reading

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Persistence over gravity

My victim training left me with a fiery instinctive attraction and sometimes automatic submission to domineering men, but with a pure and intense terror of what destroyers they can be. I know this well. But it’s also my fault for … Continue reading

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Music for my muse

Oh my love, let me sing a song for you. I will put letters and words together in new and improved ways, will combine notes to make you swoon with love and lust. Then you can hum, sing, purr the … Continue reading

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Volume at highway speed

Sometimes I wonder what it might have been like if the timing had been different – but it matters not at all except if I can use the images for short story material. There’s no sense in wondering, because that … Continue reading

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