Tag Archives: PTSD

Hiding the social anxiety

People keep telling me that they don’t see how I could have social anxiety issues. Sometimes I can’t even respond in words, describing how many years of study and work I’ve put into being able to function in social situations. … Continue reading

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The Itch

That driving energy in my head that I can’t turn off – it has a lot of potential labels, but I call it The Itch, and it manifests in various ways: the burning compulsion to paint that I had for … Continue reading

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Always safe and sound

This week was a bloody, gory, stressful run at the hospital. At one point the ER tech and I are looking at each other like is there a full moon or what? Crazy shit. Heartbreaking shit. You really see how … Continue reading

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Mother nature throwing down the gauntlet

Apologies to my readers for the swamp of depression instead of the auto porn or travel writing that I prefer to post. Shit gets messy sometimes. I write about my battles with PTSD, depression, and anxiety because it helps me … Continue reading

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That moment

“Keep your legs together, keep your legs together,” I kept chanting in my head as the police car rolled up to my window. My vape pen was discreetly tucked between my thighs to stay warm, but the tip was visible … Continue reading

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Persistence over gravity

My victim training left me with a fiery instinctive attraction and sometimes automatic submission to domineering men, but with a pure and intense terror of what destroyers they can be. I know this well. But it’s also my fault for … Continue reading

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Music for my muse

Oh my love, let me sing a song for you. I will put letters and words together in new and improved ways, will combine notes to make you swoon with love and lust. Then you can hum, sing, purr the … Continue reading

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Rehab

It’s been six years from the last major suicide attempt, five years out from my last pharmaceutical – non-recreational anyway. The pills in my life now are gummy vitamins and vitamin D. It’s mind bending to be in a completely … Continue reading

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DIY therapist

Ahhh, the secret method for de-stressing after busy day at the hospital with sucky co-worker: mix lavender argan essential oil with almond oil or oatmeal lotion, and smear it all over. The essential oils are calming and good for relaxation, … Continue reading

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Music to break your heart

People who saw me crash would never believe how well I’m doing now. Actually I prefer to never see most people again if they’ve seen me bottom out in hard core depression, they never look at you the same, rarely … Continue reading

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